I feel as though I metaphorically and literarily fell off the internet in the last months of the year. Start a blog they said. It will be fun they said. And “they” as usual are selfish buttheads that are simply using you for your side splitting humor and to gain opportunity to witness your world renowned art. Some of that may be a smidge exaggerated. Life got insanely busy and did not stop until approximately 2 days ago. I can give you a brief run down of the chaos… summer band, band, football game, practice, individual practice, game, contest, contest, game, practice, CHOIR, football, AUDITIONS, quilt, quilt, band, game, WORK, band, travel, band, band, quilt, travel, party, party, WORK, travel, and of course band… basically sums it up. Oh, and these people in my home still needed food. Food that could be prepared in the twenty minutes everyone was home. The food was also at the store. The going to the store thing requires not being at work, or a game, or a competition, or sleeping. What I am attempting to subtly say is we’ve been busy. Not just me, or my husband, or my kids, we have all been busy. My children have already learned the art of shutting down and seizing opportunity to relax. My husband, likewise, finds was to relax. I literally suck at relaxing. My brain has ADHD and takes to speed to calm down.
As a broad sweeping statement, I believe most moms place themselves last on the care scale. This simply has to stop moms. I am speaking mostly of moms with at least school aged children. You moms with little ones, well… try to get a shower and make sure that Cheeto is out of your hair before going in public. Most of us have been there. You will survive, even though most days it doesn’t feel like it. Anyway, back to me… As selfish as it sounds, my New Year’s Resolutions are to ensure I am taken care of too. Just how am I going to achieve this feat that eludes so many.? Actually, I have no idea, but in my mind it works out. The fantasy in my mind has the following elements… ( I will attempt to keep you posted on how they work out)
First, I have treated myself (Treat yo’ self) to a yearly subscription to the FabFitFun box. My sister mentioned the words and now my Facebook is filled with ads. I took it as a sign from Mark Zuckerberg. I have no idea if I will like it, but I thought I would give it a whirl. Once every 4 months, a box of goodies ranging from haircare, skincare, makeup, and other fun things will arrive at your door. I have seen some of the items that this box contains and I do believe it is worth the $50 (per box). Christmas 4 times a year… yes please! Both my sister and niece love theirs, so I refuse to be left out of this box of wonders any longer! I hope one contains a maid.
Next, Christmas pictures can be quite the eye opener can’t they? Most people do not like pictures of themselves and I am no different. I have become a bit of a slug over the past few years and it has caught up with me in a big way, pun intended. So, less than flattering pictures and reading “How Not to Die” has given me reason to pay more attention to my diet. Luckily, I am fortunate enough to love most fruits and vegetables. The trick will be how much can I serve my family with their knowledge and then how much can I hide in their regular food so they don’t notice? This will be a fun little game I will play. To aid me in my adventures of “hide the food that is not actively trying to kill you,” I have an InstaPot pressure cooker. This cooker already scares me. It has been under constant surveillance since I removed it from the box. As if I wasn’t scared enough of it my mom, you remember my mom, the lady that rarely has a happy story, but is completely clueless as to why her sad ass stories are sad? Well she happened to have a tale of gloom in her basket of woe concerning a pressure cooker. Of course she did. Her aunt was using one and it exploded scalding her breasts to thigh. However, (the silver-lining?) was by going to the doctor, they discovered she had pancreatic cancer. Momma, I love you, but never work the suicide hotline. Additionally, I now have an air fryer. Apparently, you can cook foods with the fraction of oil and in the blink of an eye. As soon as it makes it out of its box and onto the counter, I will be frying with air like a goddess. Take that Paula Dean.
One of my last goals to this new and improved, self first, mission I have placed myself upon is to try (attempt) yoga. Being completely clueless to how yoga works, it may take time. Some poses appear not that difficult, but I know enough to know that it looks that way to trick you into trying it. At least I am going in aware, right? After an extensive and exhaustive 30 minute Pinterest search I think I can nail the Table Top position. Everyone has to start somewhere. Now that pose of smell your own ass, may take some working up to, but I love a challenge.
In summary, for the new year, do something that makes you feel good. Do something that makes you laugh. Do not continue to put off that thing you want to do until “some day”. Take that trip. Learn to do the the thing. Smell the roses. Dance in the rain. More importantly, remove the negatives in your life. Today is a gift and tomorrow is not promised. Remember to take care of yourself in addition to taking care of everyone else. Find the humor in life. I promise it is there. If you can find nothing else in which to laugh. Laugh at yourself. Remember yourself and find the funny. Happy New Year.
